Thursday, February 22, 2018

Choosing Love

“Choosing Love”

by Peter Rengel, M.A.

Many people see and experience the depth of the love my wife, Donna, and I have for each other.  We are often asked, “How do you spend so much of your time together in harmony?”

There are many different levels from which to answer this question.  At a very practical level, I feel that our actually saying “I love you” and hugging each other many times throughout the day feeds our relationship at its very core.  We also very deliberately carve out “empty time” together where there is no agenda.  Through our many tender, heartfelt moments together and through our uninhibited expression of our sexual love for one another, we keep gaining experiences of becoming more and more deeply bonded.  Many couples have an unspoken assumption that they love each other.  But love is not an agreement or an understanding.  Love is an energy that withers and dies if it is not expressed.

Ultimately, I must search within myself to answer the above question.  My deepest and only spiritual quest on this planet is to keep on becoming a pure and innocent expression of love.  When I surrender into being an energetic phenomenon rather than a personality, then I can let go of all that is less than a full experience of myself as the manifesting of love.  This is a totally internal process that has nothing to do with Donna.  I have to repeatedly look inward to see if I am allowing my negative mind to take me away from being love.

If anything other than love is occurring inside me, then comes the most challenging task I have while here on earth.  I need ro reach inside for the courage it takes to use my will to confront my mind and to stop it from destroying the love.  I must find a swordlike masculine energy coming directly from the deepest recesses of my soul to cut through that which is taking me out of love. It is the most aggressive action I ever take. It used to be that ninety-nine percent of me wanted to give in and give up.  It wanted to go unconscious so I could hold on to “Peter” as I’d always known him.  But a deeper wisdom knew that “Peter” had to die for love to be born.  The rewards I repeatedly experienced by reaching into the courage within that one percent in order to transcend the ninety-nine percent kept me and still keeps me choosing love again and again no matter how many times I fall short:

Deepening your Commitment

You came to the earth to die

While still in your body.


If you are not willing to

Put your ego on the line

In order to find Love,

Love can’t find you.


Love arises in each moment out of an empty mind.  You don’t have to “do” something in order to love.  You just have to get everything else out of the way.  In thoughts’ absence, love is present.  But the mind does not want to stop thinking because then it will not exist:


The mind prefers filling emptiness

With any thought form

Rather than stepping aside

To create the silent void

Out of which Love arises.


The negative mind’s very survival depends upon making you think.  It keeps on coming up with lots and lots of ingenious ways to make its next thought too important to pass up.  That next one is going to be the one that solves all your problems and makes you happy.  What if happiness exists somewhere other than anywhere within the realm of thought?

Peace of Mind

Peace of mind

Is impossible

For where Mind is

Peace is not.

If you are lying in bed with your lover, you can be many places other than in the present with each other.  You can talk about the day’s events or about your hopes and dreams and fears or about how your relationship is or is not working.  All of these are well and fine and can create a deeper bond at the level of thoughts and ideas.  Yet, there is another kind of bond that occurs when all the words and ideas have stopped.  When your hearts and perhaps your sex open to each other and the energy just flows between you, a whole new level of communication has begun.

This leap from words and thoughts into just exchanging energy can be the most terrifying growth step you’ve ever taken.  Waves of irrational emotions sweep you away.  As you merge and blend with your partner, you loose your ego boundaries and your sense of a separate self.  You are in a surrender process of giving up “I” for “us.”    You begin to experience you and your partner as interdependent.  As you are born into “us,” what you are really loosing is the illusion of being separate.  As that illusion dissolves with one other person, the sense of union begins to transfer over into the rest of mankind.  As you fall totally in love with one other human being, you fall in love with all human beings.  As you fall in love with all human beings, you fall in love with all creatures and all of creation.

It is up to you to repeatedly find the courage it takes to confront your mind and to allow yourself to surrender into merging into love with your partner.  You can choose to keep on interacting at the level of the mind until the day you die.  There are an infinite number of ways to spend your time with another person this way.  You may even find a certain level of contentment there.  But there will always be a deep underlying discontentment, a kind of conscious or unconscious knowing that you are missing out on something.

So take a risk.  Die into love.  Let go of the stubbornness that keeps “I” as a separate being.  Feel the pain of letting go of control and of not knowing.  For it is within your very decision to risk it all that the deepest sense of inner peace is born.

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