Thursday, February 22, 2018

Humor & Wisdom 11/10

Hi all,

It’s time for some Humor and Wisdom to launch us into the Holidays.  Enjoy!…….Love…..Peter

First, the Humor:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a  campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Whenever I fill out an  application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put  “DOCTOR”.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said  “Implants?”

Why do people believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but need to check when you say the paint is wet?

“Women’s lib” will be complete when women can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they somehow run my life!

I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the  target.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

If I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act like an adult in public.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.

Now for some Wisdom:

I have been broadening my definition of “pleasure” lately to include the simplest of acts – sitting under a tree watching the leaves blow in the breeze; enjoying my body’s movement as I walk; swimming laps by creatively moving my body through the water by inventing new strokes, rather than having a goal of how many laps I swim; letting food sit on my tongue for a few moments to really let my taste buds enjoy themselves; really feeling the softness of my flannel sheets on my body as I curl up in bed, etc.
What I am finding is that by intentionally creating “pleasurable experiences,” I am in the present tense a lot more and that, in and of itself, has me literally relax more and feel happier……May you consciously create lots of your own flavors of pleasure in your life.  Yum!  Yum!

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