Thursday, February 22, 2018

Humor & Wisdom 9/10

Hi all,
It’s time for some humor and wisdom.  Enjoy!!  Love…Peter

First, some kids’ humor:

Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is:  “What color are the bus driver’s eyes?” A: The same as yours…..You’re the bus driver.

Q: David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ? A: David

Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where’s the white house? A: In Washington DC

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chickens day off.

A convict escaped from prison by digging a tunnel. It came up outside the prison in a school playground. The convict was so happy when he emerged from the tunnel, he exclaimed, “I’m free! I’m free!”  A little girl standing there said, “I’m four.”

It’s true that children brighten up a home. They never turn off the lights.

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, “but deliver us some e-mail, Amen.

A little boy at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the bride wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy.  This is the happiest day of her life.” The boys thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the groom wearing black…”

“And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?” asked the father of his little son. “Diet.”

“Grandpa, do you know how to croak?” “I don’t think so, Steven, why?” “Because Dad says he’ll be rich when you do.”

The first thing a child learns when he gets a drum is that he’ll never get another one.

A father was talking to his son. “Now listen, my boy, from now on you do your own homework. I’m not going to do any more for you – it’s not right.”  “I know.” said the boy. “The teacher asked me why it has so many mistakes.”

An eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: “When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.”

A ten year old’s was asked the question, “After you die, what do you want to be remembered for?”…….His answer:  “Ever.”

A small girl seeing Buckingham Palace for the first time: “The front garden is concreted over.”

A primary math pupil’s answer to question, “Take 9 from 246 as many times as possible”  “I did it fifty times and I always got 237.”

A twelve year old’s response to the question, “Why does a surgeon wear a mask when he performs an operation?” “So if he messes up, the patient won’t know who did it.”

A twelve year old’s essay on “What would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?” “I would drive a police car.”

A seven year old going to his first church service demanded indignantly when the collection plate came round, “You mean we have to pay for this?”

And now for some wisdom:

Recently, in my eight-week class, we were emotionally declaring how we want to experience Life at the deeper levels.  The purpose was to choose whatever we wanted to grow inside of ourselves and then uninhibitedly declaring ourselves as already having what we wanted to grow.
I was in the exercise with a partner and chose to focus on “happy.”  As we were standing facing each other, I started speaking, “I’m happy!”  As I declared this again and again, I became more and more effusive.  I ended up jumping up and down, enthusiastically shouting, “I’m happy!  I’m happy!”
As the feeling of “happy” grew in me, a light bulb went off in my head and my heart – “Happy is a feeling!”  I had never before thought of “happy” as a particular feeling that I could consciously access.  For the next few weeks, I kept exuberantly repeating to myself, “I’m happy!”  As I was driving in my car or going for a walk or whatever, I would enthusiastically repeat the mantra, “I’m happy!” And, lo and behold, that feeling became more and more accessible, and I was walking around with a smile on my face a lot of the time.
Maybe “feeling happy” can be directly accessed without having to wait for the “right circumstances” or for the external world to fit our pictures.  Maybe we can just cut to the chase and choose to feel what we want to be feeling – happy, love, sexy, enthusiastic, etc. – without having to analyze our neuroses.  Maybe the gateway to bliss is just waiting for us to walk through it, once we choose to ignore all the other places our “negative mind” wants to take us and we simply let our passion and goodness flow.
And, yes, most of us do have deep neuronal pathways that say it cannot be that easy.  Or can it?  Take the lid off of your passion and claim your right to your joy.  It is not just given to you.  You have to use your will to grow it.  But it does not need to be a chore.  You can have fun jumping up and down and breaking the shackles that hold you apart from your joy!!  If you give it a try, let me know how it is going.  

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